


Change

by ValdangeloMalec



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff(?), Friendship, Homophobia, Kuroo is a bit of a piece of shit, M/M, Yamaguchi is kind of depressed, but he means well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-17 21:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9347948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValdangeloMalec/pseuds/ValdangeloMalec
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi didn’t have friends. He no longer had a family. He didn’t have an interesting life.Yamaguchi Tadashi had a small apartment off campus. He had a boring job with annoying hours. He had a spot in a good university that his awful job barely paid for.Yamaguchi Tadashi wanted to change his life, but had no idea how.or - Yamaguchi is a friendless photography student who hates where he is in life, until he meets Kuroo, finds friends, and falls in love with Tsukishima Kei





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first multichapter fic in this fandom, and hopefully I'll be able to keep up with it. Like my other works, this is unbetad.

Yamaguchi Tadashi didn’t have friends. He no longer had a family. He didn’t have an interesting life.

Yamaguchi Tadashi had a small apartment off campus. He had a boring job with annoying hours. He had a spot in a good university that his awful job barely paid for.

Yamaguchi Tadashi wanted to change his life, but had no idea how.

~*~

Other than the crippling loneliness, the worst part of having no friends was that he couldn’t ask them to model for his photographs, and always had to find a way around it when the subject relied heavily on human models. It was pathetic.

Yamaguchi tried to keep up with the professor, but art history was so boring to him and he had had a late shift the night before, having to cram some studying in after so he didn’t get to sleep until it was practically time for him to get up.

Taking morning classes had been a necessary evil. He had to work afternoons and nights at the store, so unfortunately it was the only plausible course of action.

He suffered until the end of the lecture, bolting as soon as he had the chance. His next shift was in an hour and he wanted to squeeze in a cup of coffee from his favourite café before being trapped in customer service hell for hours on end.

His favourite café was a little place off campus which looked like it was falling apart on the outside, but was quite cosy on the inside. If he had enough courage, he would ask the owner if he could take some photos of it.

“The usual, Yamaguchi-kun?” the barista asked when he entered, and Yamaguchi smiled and nodded, before quickly changing his mind.

“Actually, Suga-san, could I get that to go?” Suga grinned and nodded, calling out softly for a white chocolate mocha to go.

Yamaguchi paid, just refraining from wincing at how frivolously he was spending the little money he had, and sat in an armchair, pulled out his phone only so he wouldn’t look too lonely. He glance at Suga occasionally as the older boy absent-mindedly wiped down various services, Yamaguchi being the only customer in the little café.

Maybe if Yamaguchi weren’t so shy, he could strike up a conversation with Suga. They could slowly become friends through his frequent visits, and Yamaguchi wouldn’t be so lonely. But he was shy, and he couldn’t do that. So he took his order when it was ready, offering Suga no more than a friendly smile, and left.

When Yamaguchi would look back on the upcoming incident, he would realise that it wasn’t, in fact, his fault. Rather, the tall blonde was too busy scowling at his phone to notice Yamaguchi exiting the café, and ran into him.

Now, since it was the blonde’s fault, it would have been fair that Yamaguchi’s drink spilt all over him. But, as people are told countless times, life isn’t fair, and so Yamaguchi ended up on the floor, covered in his white chocolate mocha. His _hot_ white chocolate mocha.

“Sorry,” he blurted out, too disoriented from falling to know who was responsible for the incident, but sure that it was somehow his fault.

The blonde looked down at him, looming over almost threateningly, before simply wrinkling his nose and walking off, leaving Yamaguchi on the floor, covered in a white chocolate mocha with half an hour until his shift started.

Yamaguchi wasn’t prepared for something like that to happen. He was an easy five minute walk from his work, and a ten minute walk from his home. He had yet to change into his work uniform, which was in his bag, so he would have a change of clothes once he arrived at work.

The problem was his hair, which had somehow become doused in his drink. He wondered if he could get away with it – it would feel awful, but if it dried quickly it would have to be fine. And there are worse things to smell like than chocolate and coffee.

Sighing, Yamaguchi got to his feet and started off for his work in his stained clothes and wet hair.

~*~

“What happened to you?” Yamaguchi asked as soon as he arrived at the 24-hour supermarket he worked at.

Kenma was sitting on pile of boxes in their storeroom, playing on his PSP, not looking up even to speak to him. Yamaguchi wondered how he even noticed him enter, and how he noticed the state he was in.

“Someone knocked into me and I spilt my drink over myself,” he explained, and Kenma hummed in response, immediately dropping the conversation. Yamaguchi sighed and headed to the bathroom, changing quickly despite having plenty of time before his shift started.

Yamaguchi envied Kenma’s job as a stockperson, not having to deal with customers and frequently finishing his duties early. He was on registers that afternoon, working from three until nine.

Having worked in customer service for so long, he had grown to hate all customers. The rude ones made him feel bad, the polite ones were fake, the chatty ones wanted to start conversations he wanted no part in, and the quiet ones made him feel uneasy. It was the development of the ability to despise someone within an instant of meeting them that he hated most about his job.

Half an hour before his shift ended, Yamaguchi was dead on his feet, looking around the store blearily. It was almost empty, and reminded Yamaguchi of the pointlessness of a 24-hour shop.

A loud voice was talking from a little ways away, and Yamaguchi almost appreciate the way that it kept him awake. The owner of the voice appeared from an isle – nobody that Yamaguchi recognised, but he was followed someone that Yamaguchi was _sure_ was the guy from earlier that day.

His friend, a tall guy with a ridiculous black bedhead, smirked at him as he began unloading his basket. The mass amount of chips and alcohol showed what they would be up to that weekend. 

“I’m going to need to see ID,” Yamaguchi said timidly, having to cut off the (very one-sided) conversation the two of them were having.

The ID he was showed that the black haired man’s name was Kuroo Tetsurou, and he had turned 20 earlier in the year. Technically Yamaguchi was supposed to check both of their ID’s, but the blonde didn’t offer one, and his expression made Yamaguchi so reluctant to ask that he just started scanning the items.

“I’m telling you, Tsukki, you’ll have fun,” Kuroo was saying, and Yamaguchi had to hold back a snicker, because that tall, intimidating man was being called such a cute nickname and he seemed to hate it.

“You and Bokuto are just going to get drunk and want to do something stupid, and Akaashi and I are going to have to follow you around and make sure you don’t. That isn’t my definition of fun, Kuroo.” Despite Tsukki’s icey tone, Kuroo laughed and slapped him on the back, going to pay when he realised Yamaguchi was done, and Yamaguchi told him the price.

“Are you in uni… Yamaguchi?” Kuroo asked, squinting at his nametag for a second.

“Yeah, I’m at the University of Tokyo,” Yamaguchi said as he handed Kuroo his bags.

“That’s where Tsukki and I are too!” Kuroo said as if it weren’t the only university close by. “What’s your major?” Yamaguchi held back a sigh. Rarely did any of the chatty ones want to talk _after_ he’d given them their groceries.

“Photography,” he replied dully, too tired to fake politeness. Kuroo’s eyes lit up and his sleazy smirk came back.

“You know what they say about photographers – they have big telephoto lens,” he said, and Yamaguchi had to force down a blush. He knew he was being teased and couldn’t let them think it was getting to him.

“Let’s _go_ , Kuroo,” Tsukki said, and Yamaguchi agreed.

“We have to wait for Kenma’s shift to end,” Kuroo argued, and Yamaguchi barely held back from groaning aloud. Kenma finished at the same time as him, and he didn’t want to be stuck with the two of them until the end of his shift,

Tsukki gave no indication of remembering him from earlier in the day, and it annoyed Yamaguchi even further.

“Besides, I can think up more photographer pick-up lines,” Kuroo was saying while Tsukki gave him a bland look.

“The perfect thing to do while waiting for your boyfriend,” he deadpanned, and Yamaguchi couldn’t help but snicker behind his hand. The action drew the attention of both Tsukki and Kuroo.

“We’ve finally found someone who thinks your funny, Tsukki,” Kuroo said delightedly, and Tsukki gave him the same bored expression.

Yamaguchi couldn’t really believe that Kenma would date someone like Kuroo. He supposed they would probably look good together, but other than that, he couldn’t see how the loud and irritating man appealed to Yamaguchi’s quiet co-worker. Well, apparently opposites attract.

“Wait, I’ve got another one,” Kuroo said, turning back to Yamaguchi, “I’ll flash you if you flash me.” Yamaguchi wrinkled his nose as Kuroo laughed, wondering if this was workplace harassment.

“You’re disgusting,” Tsukki commented and Kuroo shushed him.

“How about we go into a dark room and see what develops?” Kuroo continued.

“I’m sorry for leaving you with him,” Kenma said from the side, and Yamaguchi could’ve cried in relief that he was there. “I would’ve warned you if I knew he was coming.” Kenma eyed Kuroo distastefully.

“C’mon, Kenma, you love my pick-up lines!” Kuroo whined, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend.

“I though he agreed to go out with you if you _stopped_ using your pick-up lines,” Tsukki said, and Yamaguchi’s lips twitched up slightly.

“Yeah, and that’s why I have to use my charm and hilarity on others,” Kuroo said confidently, and Kenma sighed.

“Stop harassing my co-worker and wait outside,” he said, turning back around and leaving without waiting for a response.

“It’s _raining_ ,” Kuroo called after him, sighing when he didn’t get a response.

Kuroo did stop talking to him, leaning against the wall with Tsukki – who had put on his headphones – and playing on his phone for the remainder of Yamaguchi and Kenma’s shifts.

Unfortunately for Yamaguchi, who had a fifteen minute walk home, it was still raining when his shift was over and he hadn’t thought to bring an umbrella.

_Can I have a ride?_ he would’ve asked to Kuroo and Kenma, who were getting into a car, if only he were more confident. Instead, he set out in the rain, chocolate from his hair streaking down his face and his clothes so wet he may as well have jumped in a pool. Perfect.

~*~

Sometimes, Yamaguchi was so lonely that it hurt. That he wanted to do nothing more than curl up into a ball and cry. There were a few things that could set this off.

Sometimes he would see something funny and pull out his phone, before remembering he had nobody to text.

Sometimes he would see good friends laughing together or families creating happy memories and be reminded he didn’t have that.

And then, every Tuesday, when he had a half hour break from 12 to 12:30 between two classes, he would sit alone in the university cafeteria and wish he were any one of the other people there, sitting and eating with friends.

Yamaguchi had never been lucky with friends. He was bullied when he was younger – originally because of his freckles, and eventually for everything he did, just because there was nobody there to stop them, and he was too pathetic to do it himself.

Sometimes he wonders why he hadn’t made friends when he went to university. Whether it was because he had no experience at it, or he was too quiet, or too annoying, or too ugly.

Whatever it was, it was the reason he was sitting alone at a table, bent over his lunch and feeling like he wanted to die.

“Can we sit here or are you waiting for people?” Yamaguchi heard a familiar voice ask, and he looked over his shoulder to see Kuroo smirking down at him. He shrugged and allowed him to interpret it however he wanted, turning back to his lunch and wishing he had eaten quicker. Or that he had found a smaller table.

Kuroo had four people with him – Kenma, Tsukki, and two people Yamaguchi was sure he had seen around before, but didn’t know who they were.

“This is Bokuto and Akaashi,” Kuroo introduced, making a sweeping gesture to two of his friends. Yamaguchi nodded slowly, not sure why he was being introduced. Kuroo waited a few moments before sighing dramatically. “This is Yamaguchi. He works with Kenma and is a photography major.”

“I think we have a class together,” either Bokuto or Akaashi said, studying him with intelligent eyes. When Yamaguchi actually looked directly at him, he realised he did have a class with him. Akaashi Keiji. They had never spoken, but Akaashi was so pretty that Yamaguchi didn’t think he would ever forget his name. He was hardly going to tell him that though.

“Yeah – art history,” he said instead, looking back down to his food and eating so he wouldn’t be drawn into a conversation. Although, from what he knew of the other boy, that didn’t seem likely.

Listening to them converse was fascinating. When he was around Bokuto, Kuroo seemed to get a lot more enthusiastic, and kind of dumber. They would dominate the conversations – or rather, they would just talk loudly – and Tsukki (who Yamaguchi found out was actually called Tsukishima), Kenma, and Akaashi would talk more quietly amongst themselves, only getting roped into the other boy’s conversation when prompted.

Yamaguchi tried to eat faster than he normally would without looking like he was desperate for a chance to escape.

Yamaguchi finished his food, checked his watch, and winced. He still had fifteen minutes until he was meant to be in his next class, which would’ve been fine if the class weren’t art history and Akaashi wasn’t able to call him out for it.

_Why would he though?_ Yamaguchi thought to himself, surveying the chatting group. _They didn’t sit with me because they want to be friends, they sat with me because it was the only table free. They’re probably praying for me to leave._

With this is mind, Yamaguchi stood, hesitating for a moment on whether or not he should announce he was leaving, before deciding to just go, stopping by the bin on the way out of the cafeteria to throw out his rubbish.

Yamaguchi hadn’t wanted them to care about him leaving, and yet it still stung a little that they didn’t.

Arriving early at his art history class, he just sat in the lecture hall while waiting for others to show up, playing games on his phone in his usual seat.

Due to the low number of students taking art history, the room used wasn’t one of the large auditoriums, rather a smaller, high school classroom-esque room which irked Yamaguchi for two reasons/ The first being it reminded him of his high school days, which he tried his best to forget, and the second being that the desks were not only paired off in twos, but that there was no kind of seating arrangement. And so every class, Yamaguchi sat by himself.

It’s because of this that he started, almost dropping his phone when he saw somebody slip into the chair next to his five minutes before the lecture was supposed to start. Turning slightly, he saw it was Akaashi, which made slightly more, but still not very much sense. He usually sat closer to the front with a guy with a blonde Mohawk.

“I’m going to give you a warning,” Akaashi said, voice quiet and making Yamaguchi’s stomach flutter with nerves at the thought of the end of the sentence. _Back off my friends, don’t presume we’re suddenly pals, don’t suddenly start talking to Kenma more at work._ “Kuroo is probably going to start showing up around you more.”

That wasn’t what Yamaguchi expected, and did nothing to soothe him. _Why would he do that? Is he trying to tease me? Lure me away so he can beat me up? Does he think I’m after Kenma?_

“Why?” Yamaguchi managed to choke out around his confusion and uncertainty.

“Sometimes he meets someone and won’t rest until he gets to know them better. If he’s too much, ask me or Kenma and we might be able to rein him in.”

Yamaguchi nodded dumbly, holding his tongue while he mentally ran through his schedule. He reassured himself that he didn’t have any classes with Kuroo, but it wouldn’t stop him approaching at lunch, or at his work. Surely Kuroo wouldn’t go too out of his way just for Yamaguchi?

“Don’t look so worried,” Akaashi said with the ghost of a smile, “he’s not as bad as you might think.” With that, Akaashi turned forward and began pulling things out of his bag, preparing for the lecture and effectively ending the conversation.

Yamaguchi couldn’t relax for the whole lecture. He didn’t know why, but he made sure to be first out of the room, still shoving things in his bag as he left the room.

He looked up and managed to just stop himself before running into – Kuroo. Yamaguchi swallowed, nervous but he didn’t know why. He knew what Akaashi had said, but surely Kuroo was there for Akaashi?

Kuroo smirked when he saw him, holding his shoulder to steady him. “Just who I was looking for,” he said, and Yamaguchi saw Kuroo’s friends over Kuroo’s shoulder, some of them lening against the wall with others standing in front, all of them carrying a quiet conversation. Yamaguchi’s eyes snapped back to Kuroo when his eyes briefly met Tsukki – Tsukishima’s.

Kuroo pulled him out of the way of the other students leaving the room, Yamaguchi seeing Akaashi going over to his friends.

“Why?” Yamaguchi didn’t even manage to get out the whole question. He bit down on his tongue and cursed himself for being so awful at talking to people.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Kuroo asked, and it almost sounded like Kuroo was asking him on a date, except Kuroo was dating Kenma, and Yamaguchi was… Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi ran through all of the excuses he could – he could say he was working, except Kenma might know he was lying. Obviously he didn’t have any classes, and it was too early in the school year for any tests that might take up his weekend.

“I’m visiting my family,” Yamaguchi said before he could think, the silence going on a moment too long. Yamaguchi almost winced at the lie he told, but managed to hold it back. These people didn’t know his family hadn’t spoken to him since he came out.

When he pulled himself out of his own thoughts and into reality, he saw Kuroo frowning at him. He tried not to fidget, but really wanted to leave. It was one of the first weekdays he didn’t have work or too much studying to do in months, so he was keen to go home as soon as possible and take advantage of his afternoon free.

“What are you doing this afternoon, then?” Kuroo asked, and Yamaguchi didn’t have an excuse, but he also didn’t want to go along with whatever he was planning. He didn’t want to annoy Kuroo’s friends by tagging along with them somewhere. He didn’t want to start to enjoy himself if their company only to be cast aside when Kuroo realised how painfully average he was.

“Why?” he asked again when he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“We’re off to the Lodge and we wanted you to come with,” Kuroo said, and Yamaguchi barely held back a scoff. The Lodge was the most popular bar and was always swamped with students, and Yamaguchi highly doubted that any of Kuroo’s friends wanting him going with them.

“I don’t drink,” he said, which wasn’t a complete lie. He didn’t have money to waste on alcohol, and even if he did, the thought of drinking alone in his small apartment was depressing.

“You don’t have to – not everything they serve is alcoholic,” Kuroo said with a raised eyebrow, as if he suspected that he had never been to a bar before. Which would be true. “You’re too young to drink anyway,” he tacked on. _Like most of your friends aren’t_ , Yamaguchi wanted to snark back, but held back.

Yamaguchi knew that with someone like Kuroo, it would be best to be direct. “Thanks for the offer, but…” Yamaguchi swallowed, trying to build up the courage to tell the truth. “I don’t want to go.” Yamaguchi almost felt proud of himself before he crushed the feeling down. _Being able to express yourself like a normal human being isn’t anything to be proud of_ he scolded himself.

“But-” Kuroo started, looking bewildered, as if he couldn’t believe Yamaguchi would turn him down.

“Don’t try and bully the guy into coming,” Tsukki – Tsukishima – cut him off, sneering. Yamaguchi bet he – like the rest of them - was thrilled he wouldn’t be going.

Yamaguchi’s eyes darted to the floor, any of the courage he had leaving him, and suddenly he felt bone tired and like he wanted to cry. He didn’t know why, which just made the urge stronger.

Kuroo turned to scrutinise Tsukishima for a moment and turned back. Then he shrugged at Yamaguchi and left with his friends, not sparing Yamaguchi another word.

Yamaguchi dragged himself home, free afternoon ruined as he cried without reason until his head hurt and he fell asleep.

~*~

Kuroo didn’t bother him for the rest of the week and Yamaguchi had to assume his rejection had put him off. Yamaguchi should’ve felt happy about that, but he felt even worse than usual. When the weekend arrived, he wished he actually was going home to see his family.

Both of his siblings had graduated university, but stayed in Miyagi around his parents. His older brother was married, and for all he knew could have a kid by now. His older sister had been in a serious relationship with a good job, and could be married. Yamaguchi wouldn’t’ve been invited to the wedding.

His parents were proud of his siblings. They had had such high expectations for him, and he had been a disappointment. He thought he could make up for it – make up for being gay by getting good grades. Thankfully those good grades were enough to get him a scholarship into the University of Tokyo, since his parents wouldn’t give him a penny.

Yamaguchi couldn’t make himself leave his apartment. There was a nagging worry that someone who knew Kuroo would see him and he would be found out, but he knew he was just making excuses. He had nothing to do, no friends to go out with, and even if he did, he was lazy and tired and didn’t want to do anything. On Saturday night, he had to spare a moment to think and realise he hadn’t eaten anything throughout the day.

He unwillingly dragged himself out of bed, making himself a bowl of dry cereal – he was out of milk – because it was easy and convenient. It stuck in his throat and made him want to throw up, but he forced himself to eat it. He had to at least somewhat take care of himself.

He sat on the couch for a while, doing nothing, thinking nothing. He eventually snapped himself out of his state of apathy, dragging himself to his bed and, at only 8 o’clock, falling asleep.

~*~

Yamaguchi knew he slept too much on the weekend. He excused himself for it by telling himself he barely got any sleep during the week, but really, sleep was just easy. He didn’t have to do anything, he didn’t have to think, it was practically death without the commitment.

Even so, when Yamaguchi was awoken by a knock on the door at noon the next day, he could almost it was getting a bit out of hand.

His grogginess gave him a few moments of piece before worry jolted through him. Nobody came to visit him. He wasn’t doing anything that the neighbours would complain about. He hadn’t ordered anything.

Begrudgingly, he answered the door in his pyjamas, surprised to see Kenma standing in front of him. “Please don’t tell Kuroo I lied to him,” he said before he could think, wincing at his words. Of course Kenma would tell him.

“Why did you lie to him?” Kenma asked as he walked inside, inviting himself in. He made himself comfortable on Yamaguchi’s sofa while Yamaguchi dithered hopelessly.

“I don’t want to make friends just to be abandoned,” he responded eventually, shifting from foot to foot. Kenma regarded him coolly for a few seconds, his gaze unreadable.

“Why would you be abandoned? Kuroo seems to like you.” Yamaguchi didn’t know if Kenma meant the _for some reason_ that he heard tacked onto the end.

“Akaashi says that he does this a lot. You guys have a pretty small group.”

“Most people get sick of Kuroo. Or Bokuto. Or both. Some can’t handle Tsukishima. But I stuck around, and so did Akaashi, and we haven’t been abandoned. And it’s not as though you’ve met all of Kuroo’s friends.”

“Why are you here?” Yamaguchi said abruptly, cringing to himself at his rudeness. Kenma didn’t look bothered.

“You don’t have any friends. Kuroo is offering. I didn’t understand.” _Why I rejected or why he’s offering_ , Yamaguchi wondered, but didn’t ask.

“Only Kuroo is offering,” Yamaguchi said instead, knowing he didn’t make sense. Kenma seemed to understand what he was saying though.

“Kuroo is a good judge of character. If he wants you to be friends with us, everyone knows you’ll fit in well. I know,” Kenma looked flustered for a moment, clearing his throat and fiddling with his jumper sleeve, “I know we’ve been co-workers for a while and I haven’t tried to talk to you much, but…”

Yamaguchi thought he understood, and nodded. Kenma looked relieved. Neither of them were very outgoing, and Yamaguchi couldn’t fault Kenma when he himself hadn’t made an attempt to befriend the other boy.

“Anyway, we’re all meeting up tonight – nothing stupid, just a quiet night with pizza and video games – at Kuroo’s place. I’ll give you the address. Please consider coming,” Kenma said. He wrote the address on a piece of paper and left after giving Yamaguchi a small smile and asking him one again to consider it.

Yamaguchi picked up the address, staring at it until the words became blurry, and he sat down hevily on the chair. He didn’t know how to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are really appreciated, as is yelling at me to stop lazing around and write the next chapter. If you actually happen to like my writing, I have a few other Haikyuu one-shots I've written if you wanted to check those out.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be up yesterday, I'm sorry! I got a migraine and wasn't allowed to do anything for hours, so I wasn't able to finish it and upload it, but I hope you guys didn't have to wait too long for this. I hope to be able to finish this fic before January 30th so that I don't get too distracted by school, so here's to hoping.

Yamaguchi didn’t go to Kuroo’s place.

He had to wonder if he had some kind of self-destructive tendencies that stopped him from allowing himself to make friends. He just couldn’t bear the thought of intruding, of placing himself somewhere he doesn’t belong. And he hated himself for it.

That night, he sat in bed doing nothing. Guilt knotted his stomach, although he couldn’t really determine the cause. Was it towards Kenma, who went out of his way to visit him? To Kuroo, who was willing to befriend him?

He moved eventually, staring miserably into empty fridge and empty cupboards. There was a McDonalds not too far away, but Yamaguchi didn’t know if he could conjure the energy to go.

_You have to_ , he thought dully to himself, _if you stop taking care of yourself, they win_. And really, it was this spiteful line of thought that got him through every day. As soon as he gave up on himself, his parents, his bullies, the teachers who didn’t believe in him – they all won.

And so Yamaguchi got up, put on his shoes, and went to McDonalds. And as soon as he walked into the building, he regretted it.

Surely Tsukishima wouldn’t recognise him. And even if he did, the tall blonde didn’t seem happy talking to his own friends – he was hardly about to strike up a conversation with Yamaguchi. And so he pushed himself forward, getting in line behind the other man.

Tsukishima kept his headphones on until it was time to order, at which point he ordered enough for a small army. Yamaguchi supposed it made sense, as he would be bringing it back to Kuroo’s for his friends. Except it didn’t make sense at all, because Kuroo lived on campus, and this definitely wasn’t the closest McDonalds to Kuroo’s place.

He had no reason to believe that this McDonalds was open later, but neither did he assume he had anything to do with the situation. That was, until the two of them were waiting for their orders.

Tsukishima hadn’t put his headphones back on, but Yamaguchi assumed it was so he could hear when his order was called out. Yamaguchi didn’t understand why Tsukki didn’t go through the drive through, considering he definitely would’ve driven there.

“Hey,” Tsukki said quietly, and Yamaguchi’s eyes shot up. The blonde wasn’t looking at him, but he wasn’t looking at anyone else. He was staring straight forward, and Yamaguchi had to assume he was being addressed.

“H-hi,” Yamaguchi said, cursing himself for stumbling over such an easy word.

“I’m sorry about the other day. With your drink,” Tsukki said, still not turning to look at Yamaguchi. When Yamaguchi saw his slight embarrassment, he could understand why. He couldn’t understand, however, why Tsukki was apologising. Especially since Yamaguchi himself had all but forgotten about the incident, and he didn’t think Tsukki had realised it had been him in the first place.

“Did Kenma ask you to say that?” Yamaguchi blurted out, not sure if he regretted it. He hadn’t told Kenma what had happened, but Yamaguchi always saw Kenma as some all-seeing force, and wouldn’t put anything past him. Tsukki frowned at him.

“Why would he?”

“I don’t know. Why are you apologising anyway?”

“I thought I would do the decent thing,” Tsukishima scowled, looking as if he regretted starting the conversation in the first place. “Look, I know Kenma invited you out tonight-”

“I wasn’t going to go,” Yamaguchi blurted out, “you don’t need to worry about that.” Tsukishima’s frown deepened.

“Clearly you weren’t, as you didn’t. I just wanted to offer again,” Tsukishima looked so reluctant Yamaguchi could only assume none of this was his idea. “Kuroo really wants you there,” he added, confirming Yamaguchi’s suspicions.

“I don’t know what it is Kuroo wants from me, but you can tell him sending his friends after me isn’t something I appreciate, and clearly isn’t something you appreciate either.”

“Just come to Kuroo’s,” Tsukki said, rolling his eye as if annoyed Yamaguchi was kicking up such a fuss. It was frustrating.

“No, thank you,” Yamaguchi said, and it would’ve been a perfect time to leave if he had received his food. Instead, the two of them had to stand awkwardly with the other while waiting. Yamaguchi prayed that his food would come first, because there was no way Tsukishima could carry all the food he ordered by himself, and Yamaguchi didn’t want to be there when he called for backup.

Tsukishima was clearly texting someone though. And from inside the building, Yamaguchi could hear the unforgettable voice of Kuroo’s friend Bokuto.

Yamaguchi had ordered a standard meal. The place was fairly deserted. Why wasn’t his food coming? Why, _again_ , did he feel like crying? He didn’t like being around a lot of people. And being around taller guys who he didn’t know had happened for too often during high school, and it never ended well.

When Bokuto came in with Kuroo, Yamaguchi dug his fingernails into his hands, hoping the pain would keep back the tears. He knew he was being unreasonable, but then Bokuto and Kuroo stood in a way that practically closed Yamaguchi in, and he had to leave _now_.

Bokuto greeted him loudly, slapping him on the back. Kuroo just looked smug, smirking at him in greeting.

“Why didn’t you show? Kemna swore he invited you,” Bokuto was saying, but Yamaguchi was staring at the counter, silently begging the workers to hurry up. “Anyway, you can always just come with us now! There’s room in the car, and-”

“I’m going home,” Yamaguchi said, trying for firm but his voice trembled. “I’m exhausted and I just want to go home.”

“Tiring time with your family?” Kuroo asked, and Yamaguchi knew from one glance that Kenma had told him. He’d told them all. So Yamaguchi could either pretend he didn’t know that, or make up another excuse. Or he could be very rude. Seeing his food finally coming, Yamaguchi realised he only had one choice.

“I wasn’t with my family. I made that up because I couldn’t stand the thought of going out with you and your friends this weekend,” Bokuto gaped at him and even Kuroo looked surprised. Yamaguchi was facing away from Tsukishima, but was pretty sure his expression would be apathetic.

“Order 362?” a bored worker called, and Yamaguchi took the bag off her with an expression of gratitude.

“Excuse me,” he said to Bokuto and Kuroo, moving around them and leaving.

He barely ate any of his food once he returned home. In between shaking and sobbing, it just became too challenging.

~*~

Once upon a time, Yamaguchi would’ve become friends with someone who so much as looked at him kindly. That was before the bullying became awful. That was before he realised he was unlikeable. That was before his family rejected him.

Sometimes, Yamaguchi wondered what would happen if he had even one friend. If he would be more confident, if the bullying would’ve stopped. If he would’ve done something with his time in high school other than fall into a depression.

It was a thought process that he liked to shut down quickly. He couldn’t change the past. Sure, there had been a few people who had tried. But they couldn’t handle it, and it was Yamaguchi’s fault every time. He clung too hard, he got in the way, he was overemotional.

_Men don’t cry_ , his father would say when he came home with tears streaking down his face, hidden bruises littering his ribs and legs. The one time Yamaguchi had responded, had said _emotions are what make us human, repressing them is stupid_ , he had been sent to bed without dinner. His father didn’t like people arguing with him.

So Yamaguchi had become wary. Wary of people who acted like they wanted to get to know him, wary of crying, wary of telling people how he really felt. Wary of speaking up lest he be punished.

He wouldn’t let Kuroo destroy him the way high school did.

~*~

At lunch the next day, Kuroo found him. He was eating at a café just off campus, which was the most worrying part. He was almost certain he was being somewhat stalked.

Yamaguchi couldn’t decide if it was better or worse that Kuroo came alone. He ordered, waited, and then at with Yamaguchi, who was halfway through his lunch. He didn’t ask for the seat.

The silence between them might’ve been fine if Kuroo weren’t scrutinising him so thoroughly.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally, and Yamaguchi’s head snapped up in surprise. “I should’ve realised you wouldn’t like big groups. Kenma is the same. He explained to me that I was being insensitive, and I understand now.” It was probably the last thing Yamaguchi thought he was going to say, and it threw him off a little.

“It’s okay,” he said eventually, not knowing what else he could say.

“And I know I’m probably being confusing, but I really do want to get to know you,” Kuroo said eagerly and sincerely. “If you’re okay with that.” Yamaguchi hesitated. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t let Kuroo ruin him, but his resolve was crumbling quickly. What Kuroo was offering seemed to be exactly what he wanted.

_What if you don’t like me?_ Yamaguchi wanted to ask, but didn’t want to hear the answer. Maybe – maybe it was time again for him to take a risk. To put himself in a position where he could get hurt.

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said, licking his dry lips, “just – just don’t try and pressure me into thing.” And that had been another downfall of Yamaguchi’s previous friendships. He was too boring.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Kuroo said, smiling brightly – and actual smile, not that stupid smirk he always wore. Yamaguhi fidgeted in silence for the next few minutes, troubled about the question he wanted to ask.

When he looked up to see Kuroo looking at him expectantly, he finally caved. “What about your other friends?” Kuroo seemed confused by the question.

“What about them?”

“Won’t they be annoyed with me? For taking up your time? Surely Kenma won’t appreciate it.” Kuroo laughed at that, and Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if he was being laughed _at_.

“Kenma would probably thank you for it, to be honest. And those guys know what I’m doing. They want to befriend you too. I don’t try to add people to the group without everybody being on board.”

And… _everybody_ was on board? Yamaguchi found that slightly hard to believe. Sure, Akaashi and Kenma weren’t likely to care – in fact, he and Akaashi might be able to discuss their art history class, providing Akaashi with a reason to befriend him. Bokuto seemed the time to befriend anyone, and clearly Kuroo was on board, but… Tsukishima? No way.

“Even Tsukki?” he asked, blush covering his face when he let the nickname slip out. Kuroo didn’t even acknowledge it.

“Of course,” he smirked, a look in his eye Yamaguchi didn’t want to understand, “why wouldn’t he?”

“He just… didn’t seem to like me much when we spoke yesterday.”

“Tsukki’s not good with people. Especially people like you. But I can assure you that as soon as he gets to know you, he’ll warm up to you more than you would think.”

“He doesn’t seem to have done that with you,” Yamaguchi said before realising it was probably rude. Kuroo just laughed.

“I like you, Yamaguchi. What’s your first name?” Kuroo asked, acting as if it weren’t completely out of the blue. Yamaguchi was still slightly hung up on the _I like you_ part of the sentence that he gave away his first name without second thought.

“Tadashi,” he said, absent minded, and Kuroo nodded slowly.

“Okay, Tadashi. I have a lecture starting sooner than I would like, but,” Kuroo paused to scribble something on his receipt, “save my number into your phone. Make sure to text me something when you do, so I’ll have your number as well.” Yamaguchi let Kuroo press the receipt into his hand, not responding when Kuroo bid him goodbye and left.

_Tadashi_.

Nobody had called him Tadashi since he last saw his parents. Yamaguchi wondered if Kuroo had him figured out to some degree – if he realised how painfully lonely he was. If that’s why he was doing this.

_I like you_.

_Tadashi_.

When a genuine smile spread across his lips, he almost wept. It had been so long since he had smiled.

~*~

At work that afternoon, Kenma acted no different. Yamaguchi was pleased – he didn’t know how he would react to that. It helped that Yamaguchi worked on tills while Kenma worked in the back room and stocking.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened until the day after, when Yamaguchi was walking to university.

“ _Tadashi_!” A familiar voiced called out. It wasn’t Kuroo, but even so a happy tingle at the use of his first name went through him.

Yamaguchi slowed a little, reluctant to come to a complete stop in case there was some kind of misunderstanding. It was evident that there wasn’t when Bokuto came to stand next to him.

“You live off campus too?” the boy was saying without even a hello, without explaining why everyone was suddenly using his first name. “That’s awesome! We must live near each other! I _wanted_ to live on campus, but my parents were sure that if I did I would spent the whole time going to parties or being distracted by a roommate or something, so they offered to pay for the apartment. I don’t mind though, because my apartment is bigger than a dorm room and I can hold that over Kuroo. Why do you live in an apartment?”

Yamaguchi had only been half listening to Bokuto’s babbling, so it took him too long to relsie he was being asked a question.

“Didn’t want a roommate,” he mumbled, and it was part of the reason. He wasn’t really sure of the whole reason. He just didn’t see the point, when his scholarship covered his tutoring but not his accommodation. Bokuto was nodding as if he had said something incredibly wise.

“That makes sense. There are a lot of assholes out there,” Bokuto said, becoming suddenly serious for a moment. Yamaguchi wondered which of his friends had experienced an asshole roommate. “Anyway,” he said brightly, “we should compare schedules so we can walk together. I always get so bored walking by myself.”

Yamaguchi was suspicious of Bokuto’s actual intentions. He already had a vague idea that Kuroo was slightly stalking him – surely it would be incredibly stupid to tell his friend his schedule.

“Maybe,” Yamaguchi said finally, and Bokuto seemed to take that however he wanted to. Bokuto babbled the whole way to campus in a way which Yamaguchi thought he would find annoying. He didn’t. He loved it. He loved that Bokuto seemed happy to talk to him about anything, and he felt like he could talk about anything in return.

He actually made Bokuto laugh a few times. It felt amazing. He didn’t chime in often – it was hard to find a moment to – but when he did Bokuto actually seemed to appreciate what he had to say. It was like nothing he had ever experienced. Bokuto slapped him on the back when they parted ways, and Yamaguchi found himself telling him his schedule with no prompting.

After listening to him, Bokuto decided it would be easier just to exchange numbers and text each other when they were heading off. And now, Yamaguchi had two contacts in his phone.

~*~

Nobody approached him at lunch that day, much to Yamaguchi’s relief. Spending time with Bokuto was draining, even if he scarcely involved himself in the conversation.

When Akaashi didn’t sit with him at their art history lecture after lunch though, Yamaguchi wasn’t sure what to make of it. After Bokuto had found him that morning, he had assumed Kuroo was going to send all of his friends after him when he got the chance. Coupled with Akaashi sitting with him last lecture, it didn’t make sense.

_Stop being so selfish_ , he scolded himself as he watched Akaashi chatting with his usual desk partner. _You’re acting as if you have any kind of claim over him_.

And so Yamaguchi forced the thoughts away, wishing he was the kind of person who could handle anything thrown at them with ease, instead of overthinking every action the people around him made.

Ymaguchi was somewhat right about Kuroo’s actions. That night, Kenma came over, uninvited, carrying a console and an array of games.

“Er…” Yamaguchi said, opening the door. Sure, he had a TV, but it was a bit crap. Kenma didn’t comment on it as he set up the console.

“I have Mario Kart,” he said instead, pushing a remote into Yamaguchi’s hands. Vaguely Yamaguchi realised he should be offering drinks or food, but Kenma forgoing any form of politeness made him decide it was fine for him to do it as well.

“I’ve never played before,” Yamaguchi admitted. Having no friends and twin siblings who were much closer to each other than him, he didn’t do much that was multi-player. He didn’t even realise until Kenma selected options for the game that it could be played single player as well.

“It isn’t difficult.” Kenma patted the sofa next to him as if it were his house. Yamaguchi sat down, and remained seated for hours, playing until he went from becoming dead last every game to coming second to Kenma.

Finally, at one in the morning, Yamaguchi declare that Kenma was unbeatable, throwing the remote down with surprising force. Kenma gave him a smug little grin, turning the game off and yawning.

“Do you want to sleep over?” Yamaguchi offered before realising what he was doing. He didn’t have a spare bed, and wasn’t sure if he would even be able to scrounge up a spare pillow and blanket for the sofa. It was a relief when Kenma shook his head.

Yamaguchi was too giddy to sleep when he finally fell onto his bed. Kenma had broken him out of his monotonous cycle of necessity and depression. That single night of playing video games with someone who could be his friend was more fun than he had had in years. And Yamaguchi was too happy to ley even that thought lower his mood.

~*~

For the next week, Yamaguchi was pushed into a routine of walking to campus with Bokuto, working, and then going back to his apartment with Kenma, who would introduce him to a new game every day.

That weekend, he was less surprised than he thought he would be to answer the door to Kenma and Bokuto that afternoon.

Bokuto was beaming at him, shoving some take-out in his arms before walking in to explore the small apartment while Kenma set up the console. Yamaguchi wished he could fork out some money to buy his own to save Kenma the trouble.

“Your room is so cool, Tadashi!” Bokuto called from out of sight, a flash over panic taking over his mind. Was there anything in his room he didn’t want anyone to see? Other than piles of dirty laundry, he didn’t think so.

Even so, he made his way to his room with a plan of cajoling Bokuto away. He paused when he saw Bokuto hunched over, peering at the photos splayed across his dresser.

“Did you take these,” he asked, reaching for one before thinking better. Yamaguchi shrugged.

“Some of them.” He knew he was being awkward. His voice sounded wrong even to his own ears. But mixed in with his other random photography projects were family pictures that he hadn’t been able to persuade himself to throw away or properly put up yet.

“You should put these up. They’re good,” Bokuto grinned at him, and he smiled feebly back. “But how come there are no people in your ones?”

_I have no friends_ wasn’t something he was willing to say. But he didn’t think it was something he would be able to convincingly lie about either.

“I always felt to awkward asking people to pose,” he settled for, and before he knew it he was drawn into a tight embrace with Bokuto.

“I will model for you!” he declared to Yamaguchi’s bewilderment. Had he seemed like he was in need of a hug? Yamaguchi just mumbled some kind of affirmation, hands dangling by his sides until Bokuto let go of him.

He was certain that Bokuto would be a terrible model – the man wasn’t good at staying still, or at following instructions. But actually having someone offer, having the opportunity if he wanted to take it – well, that was enough to make Yamaguchi smile.

~*~

Bokuto turned out to be terrible at all games. Kenma gave him none of the support he gave Yamaguchi when he played a game for the first time, no patient instructions or gentle corrections. Maybe he had tried before and given up. Maybe he knew it was a lost cause.

Whatever it was, Bokuto eventually fell into a mood. It wasn’t like something Yamaguchi had ever seen before – especially not from Bokuto, who always seemed overly enthusiastic.

“Ignore him,” Kenma said when Ymaguchi kept dying whilst casting worried looks at Bokuto, who was slumped on the floor. “Akaashi is the only person who can be bothered to get him out of his moods, and seems to be the only person who knows how.”

That statement made Yamaguchi once again wonder if there was more than friendship between Bokuto and Akaashi, as unlikely a pair as the two seemed to make.

When Bokuto and Kenma left, Yamaguchi was exhausted. It was nice, having friends, but he wasn’t sure if he could keep up with this schedule, and he still couldn’t figure out how to properly relax around Kenma and Bokuto, who had an easy friendship between them that must’ve been developing for years. It did something strange and painful to his stomach.

He wondered if it was jealousy, looking at them and realising he could never have that with someone – not really. It was the same kind of thing he felt when he overheard people talking about their childhood friends – something that he wanted, but there was no way to get unless you had one.

With the jealousy came guilt – guilt that he was feeling so negatively towards people who were making an effort towards him. And then guilt towards the effort, the fact that he wasn’t doing anything to help along this budding relationship. He was still too scared to text Kuroo or Bokuto first, or speak to Akaashi before art history class.

The only really difference was that, when their schedules synced up, he and Kenma would take their lunch breaks together at work.

And then there was that other guy, the one who didn’t like him. Tsukishima. Was he meant to mke an effort with him? He was the only one from Kuroo’s group who hadn’t approached him, and he himself didn’t seem very approachable. Headphones on when he was alone, quiet and scowling when he wasn’t. He didn’t seem to fit in with Kuroo and his friends, but Yamaguchi supposed that could be expected. After all, being friends with two (presumed) couples must make you feel like an outsider.

It was funny – if he thought about it, his situation matched Tsukishima’s in a way that suggested the two of them might be able to get along.

_Surely it couldn’t hurt to try_ , Yamaguchi thought, turning over on his bed. _Maybe he would appreciate the company. Maybe if I could stop being such a coward, the two of us would get on_.

Except the only thing that he had in common with Tsukishima as far as he knew was Kuroo, who he hadn’t actually seen since that time at lunch. And he didn’t want to ask Kuroo for help approaching him.

And so, staring up as his darkened ceiling, Yamaguchi came up with a plan to befriend Tsukishima Kei.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's much more stressful writing a chaptered fic, since some people were actually looking forward to the next chapter (and honestly I appreciate you guys so much, you make me feel so good about myself and make me want to update faster). I wasn't really happy about the ending of this chapter, because I thought I might've just done a 180 with Yamaguchi's character. Really, he's just kind of desperate to become friends with that group, but needs to bond with Tsukki to do it. And he might be a little more confident after spending time with Bokuto and Kenma, even though he hasn't relaxed around them yet.  
> Anyway, I'm sure you can tell by the ending that the Tsukkiyama goodness should be coming soon!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally here! This is the longest chapter yet, and probably the one where things actually start to happen. I wanted to get this out sooner, but I had no idea what I was doing so I had to wait a bit for some inspiration to hit. I really hope you enjoy it.  
> Warning for a panic attack near the end of the chapter. If you don't want to read it skip from where to all italicised, and the next few paragraphs after that.

Yamaguchi couldn’t come up with a plan to befriend Tsukishima Kei. It definitely wasn’t for lack of trying – more for lack of ideas, lack of knowledge on the tall boy.

From the brief time spent with him, Yamaguchi could confirm that the guy either liked music or hated listening to people (or both). He didn’t talk much, and seemed very put-upon when he did. He… ate food. He was probably (hopefully) as awkward as Yamaguchi.

As can be seen, it wasn’t a lot to go on. Well, it was nothing, actually. In the end, before he fell asleep, all Yamaguchi could think was that he would have to agree to whatever group event he was invited to next (assuming he would be invited, that is).

He would depend on the couple’s dynamics within the group to push him and Tsukishima together. Not in a romantic way. Maybe in a romantic way. Yamaguchi scowled to himself – he didn’t even know the guy, he wasn’t going to imagine some big romantic scene between the two of them. It wasn’t going to happen.

~*~

As it turned out, Yamaguchi didn’t even need a plan. Those few minutes of planned he had done the previous week were pointless.

That week passed in a similar fashion as the previous one, except his free time was taken up by Kuroo and Akaashi. Akaashi was easy to get along with, but Yamaguchi always felt like were he to talk when they were together, he would disturb the quiet boy. Kuroo had no such qualms, talking until the other had to respond with more than monosyllabic answers.

Yamaguchi liked Kuroo. He hadn’t thought he would when he first met him – the boy came off as too arrogant with ridiculous hair and an irritating smirk. As Yamaguchi got to know him however, he realised just how goofy of a person Kuroo was, not at all like the cool guy he tried to lead people to believe he was. It made him a lot easier to get along with.

That Sunday, with not needed at his job but with school work piling up, he from escaped his small apartment to the vast University library. The last semester had kicked his ass so hard it still hurt, but it was something that Yamaguchi now appreciated, using the painful memories of all-nighters and tear-stained assignments as motivations. This semester wasn’t getting the better of him, and for as long as he could, he would study ahead of the material they had already covered.

Looking in the library, it was evident that this wasn’t a popular plan. There were maybe twenty students scattered throughout the library, either steadily working through singular projects (all respectable people in the library), or sitting giggling in the corner (the three girls by Yamaguchi’s favourite seat in the library).

Following their gaze, Yamaguchi almost tripped over nothing when he saw Tsukishima there in the armchair across from Yamaguchi’s favourite, headphone on and a pile of books stacked on the coffee table he had dragged closer to him.

Yamaguchi couldn’t tell if it was his heart or stomach that did something strange at the sight of him, and also couldn’t figure out why. He wondered how Kuroo could so confidently approach people he wanted to be friends with.

He just had to make his way over to his chair. From the way they were organised, it wouldn’t be like they were sitting _together_ – at least, not like they would’ve been had were they sitting at a table. SO it would be weird.

Yamaguchi didn’t realise he had been holding his breath until he sat down to burning lungs. It was a habit he had developed when he was younger, self-conscious of even the way he breathed, worrying that it was too loud. He had tried to grow out of it – the few moments it took to regain his breath generally grew more stares than any loud breathing might have.

Yamaguchi purposefully avoided looking at Tsukishima in case it seemed like he was being creepy. _I’m not being creepy. I would’ve sat here anyway, it’s my seat_.

The two worked in silence, only one awkward moment in the two hours they were there, in which they had made eye contact. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but stare for a few moments, watching as Tsukishima worked methodically through his pile of books, reading five specifics pages throughout the entire book and then putting it down, dividing what he read into piles. He didn’t know anyone who put so much care into what book he chose. Yamaguchi had looked down immediately when he had been caught, face only slightly flushed.

When, and hour into Yamaguchi’s stay, Tsukishima got up and started putting away his books, Yamaguchi’s heart sank a little. They hadn’t been talking, but there was something vaguely comforting about the other boy’s presence.  So when Tsukishima returned to his seat, single book in hand, Yamaguchi couldn’t stop his lips from twitching upwards slightly.

After those two hours, Yamaguchi slightly wanted to die, but mostly was actually… proud of himself. Looking down at the work he completed without prompting, preparing him for the next weeks classes, he felt the foreign emotion bloom in his chest.

Looking up to see Tsukishima staring at him, the pride swelling in his chest felt stupid, collapsing and crumbling in on itself. Tsukishima had enough spare time to spent hours deciding on books and reading, hours to himself. He probably was able to get all of his work done when it was given with time to spare, while Yamaguchi had to spend his weekends making sure he understood everything. He was too stupid.

Yamaguchi packed his stuff away quietly, feeling dulled. He should’ve known – no good emotion lasted long. He was too messed up for long lasting happiness. Why else was he so alone?

“Lunch?” Tsukishima asked, prompting Yamaguchi to stare at him for a few moments, dumbfounded. Was he telling him to time? Asking him where he was going?

“What?”

“Lunch. Do you want to go get some?” Tsukishima added on in a tone that made Yamaguchi feel like an idiot. He would’ve been more disheartened if it were for the fact that it seemed to be Tsukishima’s default tone, and that he was currently being asked to lunch.

“Sure,” he said, throwing in a small smile before regretting it. What if he was one of those people who had a really ugly smile? Or a really creepy one?

Even if he did, Tsukishima didn’t seem bothered, leaving the library with the expectation that Yamaguchi would follow. Which he did, scampering after the blonde like a loyal dog worried about being left behind.

They walked in a surprisingly companionable silence, Yamaguchi trusting that Tsukishima had a specific location in mind. He didn’t expect Tsukishima to leave campus, but supposed he shouldn’t have been very surprised either. After a while the on-campus food must become repetitious.

With the silence between them, Yamaguchi wouldn’t have been taken aback of the taller boy had pulled on his headphones – the times he had seen him with Kuroo on campus he hadn’t been reluctant to drown out the drone of students around him.

Yamaguchi wondered if he was supposed to initiate a conversation. Or would that annoy him? Should he try and test the waters, see how the conversation progressed from there?

“What are you studying?” Yamaguchi asked abruptly, breaking the peaceful silence and hoping it was worth it.

“Zoology,” Tsukishima said shortly, which Yamaguchi didn’t take as a good sign. He shouldn’t have opened his fucking mouth. After a few moments of stale silence, Tsukishima spoke again. “Why did you decide to go into photography?”

It took a few moments for Yamaguchi to recall how Tsukishima knew that, especially since their first meeting had been long enough ago that Yamaguchi presumed the blonde had dismissed the irrelevant information.

“I’ve always liked the personal emotions evoked by photographs. There’s such a stigma against taking photos in society today that’s brought on by smartphones – people suddenly deciding that you should live in the moment instead of trying to capture it, ignoring centuries of people posing for painting, of having to hold still while waiting for newly invented cameras to capture their image.

“I especially like that with personal photograph, it’s almost guaranteed that alongside whichever emotion is brought up with the memory captured within the photograph, there will almost always be a sense of nostalgia. I like that dependability. And I know that it probably doesn’t make sense, because if I ever achieve anything with my photos the personal value will be missing, but that’s what got me into photography in the first place.” It was also very individualistic, so Yamaguchi didn’t have to depend on other people.

Yamaguchi flushed when he realised how much he was rambling, knowing that Tsukishima only asked to be polite. “I’m sorry, talking about things like photography just really get me going, and-”

“You don’t need to apologise,” Tsukishima cut him of abruptly, turning ever so slightly pink and not meeting him in the eye, “not about something you’re passionate about.”

Tsukishima led him into a café. The café that he regulars at frequently. He should’ve realised on the route, but was too focused on making sure he didn’t trip over his own or Tsukishima’s feet (not that he was inherently clumsy, he just needed to be sure) while also trying not to focus on one particular thing, lest he become distracted by his own (usually negative) thoughts.

Suga, as usual, was behind the counter, smiling t them when they entered. If Suga hadn’t always treated him in such a motherly fashion, he was sure he would be in love with him. Who wouldn’t be? He was a literal angel sent from the heavens who made up excuses to give Yamaguchi discounted drinks.

“Yamaguchi,” he said warmly, eyes flickering over to Tsukishima, widening with what looked like delighted surprise. “And Tsukishima! I didn’t know the two of you were friends.”

And Tsukishima didn’t deny it. But he didn’t confirm it either. And Yamaguchi definitely wasn’t going to be the first to confirm it, so he had to settle for an awkward and slightly helpless shrug that Suga would have to interpret himself.

Tsukishima sat in a booth, Yamaguchi sliding opposite him, immediately wondering where he was supposed to look. If he looked to Tsukishima’s eyes, it would be too intense, but if he looked down at the table, he might come across as anti-social. Looking in Tsukishima’s vague direction might make him seem bored.

Making up his mind, Yamaguchi fumbled for a menu, hand brushing Tsukishima’s as he had the same idea. Yamaguchi prided himself on neither jumping nor yanking his hand away, the slight stutter in his breath almost unnoticeable.

After they ordered at the counter and got their food, the outing was going fine. He had yet to embarrass himself in any significant way, nor blather on about anything that Tsukishima was blatantly not interested in.

Tsukki was prone to complain about anyone he seemed to interact with, and even a few people who he hadn’t, which Yamaguchi found more amusing than he thought he would, snickering behind his hand at Tsukki’s dry comments.

“Are you on a _date_?!” the inevitable interruption came nearing the end of their meal, the scowl that had dropped off Tsukki’s face returning with a vengeance. Kuroo stalked up to their table, usual smirk in place.

“Of course not,” Tsukishima responded hauntingly, pushing up his glasses as Yamaguchi’s heart sank a little. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

It was hardly a ridiculous assumption, in Yamaguchi’s opinion. The two of them, who only knew each other through mutual friends, were sitting alone together, eating across from one another at the café that they first met. Yamaguchi had crushed his hopes down any time they threatened to rise, but really their situation had all the markings of a date.

Although for all he knew, Tsukishima had no interest in guys. He didn’t seem able to stand anyone, even the people who were meant to be his friends.

“Well I’m glad you two are bonding, as strange as it is to see. Tadashi, you’re officially part of the family,” Kuroo announced, and Yamaguchi felt his throat tighten. He was so… happy. Even Tsukishima, scowling across from him, couldn’t ruin that.

_Family._

~*~

Yamaguchi did not feel like family. After a relatively quiet week, the six of them were out at a diner, and the whole time Yamaguchi went between feeling respect and pity for Tsukishima.

Yamaguchi knew that whatever happened, being out with all of them was going to be awkward in a way that only he realised, but getting to the diner and obviously being a fifth wheel to a double date between Kuroo and Kenma and Akaashi and Bokuto was so much worse than he thought it would be.

But he was right in one way – pretty much the whole time he was there, it felt as though he was just there to spend time with Tsukishima.

Starting with long suffering glances, Yamaguchi actually had the guts to start up a conversation with him.

“Kuroo says you come here once a fortnight. How do you stand it?” Yamaguchi knew that if there was one thing Tsukishima liked to do, it was complain. Especially about his friends, it seemed.

“I don’t come very often. Most of the time with them isn’t too bad, but as much as they insist it isn’t, this is obviously a couple’s night.”

“Why did you come today?”

“Kuroo said that you were going, and I knew that you wouldn’t know it was a couple’s night. I hated my first time here so much, and you’re even more awkward than I am, so…” Tsukki shrugged, taking a sip of his water. Yamaguchi was both touched and confused.

Tsukishima wasn’t the type of person who left his comfort zone for someone else’s sake. Especially with how hot and cold Tsukki was acting towards him.

“You should’ve just said. We both could’ve gotten out of this,” Yamaguchi tried to make his comment offhanded, not sure if it was something he was able to suggest. Although he was talking to someone who thought ‘lunch’ was an acceptable invitation, so surely it was.

“I don’t have your number,” and if that wasn’t just an open invitation to give it to him, Yamaguchi didn’t know what it was.

Yamaguchi held out his hand, making a grabbing motion until Tsukki unlocked his phone and handed it to him. He spent a few moments deciding on his contact name, settling on a simple ‘Yamaguchi｡^‿^｡’

“Now next fortnight we can watch a dinosaur and you can whine about the inaccuracies,” Yamaguchi said unthinkingly. Because he found out the Tsukki was a huge fucking nerd who read factual dinosaur books for fun and thought all movies, no matter the subject, should stay completely true to facts.

Yamaguchi expected to be scolded for being too familiar, but Tsukki did nothing of the sort. Instead, he blushed. Actually blushed. It was light, but it was actually there. “Shut up, Yamaguchi,” he mumbled into his drink.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi chirped happily, not at all sorry and still pleased about the blush. Moments later he realised he used Kuroo’s nickname – the one that Tsukki himself always disliked – and he almost apologised for real. Except Tsukki didn’t seem to mind it. He didn’t tell him to knock it off like he did with Kuroo, which Yamaguchi didn’t want to analyse too much, and showed no sign of being annoyed.

He noticed and ignored the gazes directed at them from the others at the table, hardly thinking they were the ones in a position to be judged.

The night ran more smoothly after that exchange. It was as if a switch had been flipped within Yamaguchi that hadn’t occurred after interacting with any of the others that allowed Yamaguchi to finally relax.

There were times Yamaguchi had to restrain himself from talking, something that had never happened before. He just never felt comfortable enough around someone to talk about anything, and so Yamaguchi wanted to talk about everything. He wanted to forgo any small talk, ask Tsukki about his thoughts on ghosts, the afterlife, aliens.

Tsukki seemed content to just listen to him, not caring when Yamaguchi would get excited about something he was talking about and accidently kick him. He could coax out some responses, eventually getting Tsukki into his own rant about – strangely – pit bulls.

It was a good night, but it didn’t end there.

~*~

“No telling anyone I’m supplying alcohol to minors,” Kuroo warned Yamaguchi and Tsukki, placing various drinks on the table. Being the only person who lived off campus other than Yamaguchi, they had gone back to Bokuto’s place.

It was bigger and nicer than Yamaguchi’s place, most likely because of parental support, and Yamaguchi managed not to feel (too) bitter.

But that wasn’t the main problem. The main problem was that Yamaguchi had never drunk before and Kuroo was pouring them all shots.

“Do you actually not drink or was that a lie?” Kuroo was asking him, and Yamaguchi had no idea what he was talking about until he thought way back to one of their first meetings, where he needed an excuse to get away.

“I’m not adverse to it. But I never have before,” he admitted, ducking his head. Almost instantly after, a shot glass filled with vodka was being pressed into his hand by Kuroo as everybody else took theirs. Yamaguchi didn’t know why he was surprised by seeing Tsukki downing a shot.

Yamaguchi pressed the glass to his lips, a trickle of vodka slipping into his mouth and burning his tongue. It wasn’t going to be pleasant.

Yamaguchi could barely get it down, grimacing as the last of it slid down. He still let Kuroo refill his glass. Being drunk had better be pretty fucking good.

~*~

Being drunk was _fantastic_. He felt giddy, lighter – and most importantly, more confident. He was easily the drunkest person there despite having drunk the same as everyone else.

“That’s enough,” Akaashi said sternly, swiping away Yamaguchi’s empty glass when Bokuto went to refill it. Bokuto pouted it him, but Akaashi slid the glass far out of his reach, topping up his own instead.

Bokuto pouted at him until he pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before instantaneously being crushed against Bokuto’s chest. Yamaguchi watched them from where he was lying on the floor.

 _Bokuto is loud_ , Yamaguchi thought as he listened to Bokuto’s voice but not his words, eyeing Kenma, who had taken the first shot and then stopped, claiming there had to be one person with common sense around.

“It’s time!” Kuroo announced, moving his glass in a toast with an invisible friend, slopping vodka over the rim and onto the floor. Tsukki groaned, and Yamaguchi giggled even though he didn’t know what it was time for. Tsukki stared at him.

“We’re not playing, are we?” Tsukki groaned, and Kuroo shushed him. If he could string the words together, Yamaguchi would ask what they were playing.

“It’s time for Truth!” Kuroo continued, and Akaashi sighed, turning to Yamaguchi.

“It’s just like Truth or Dare, but we removed the dare component when we drink because of the whole fire incident,” he said with a vague gesture and an impression that Yamaguchi shouldn’t ask.

“We play this too often, we know each other too well,” Kenma complained, but a pointed gesture at Yamaguchi from Kuroo shut him up. Yamaguchi vaguely wondered if he was supposed to feel worried about it, before deciding he wouldn’t. He ruined too much for himself by being worried.

Kuroo placed an empty bottle in the middle of the kind-of-circle they formed, about to spin before apparently think better of it and placing it upright again.

“Tadashi,” Kuroo said loudly, and after a few moments Yamaguchi realised that that was him. He hummed a noise and hoped Kuroo would take it as a signal to continue. “Have you ever gotten into a fist fight?” Yamaguchi considered the question, considered his answer.

“Does it count if I – if I didn’t throw any punches,” Yamaguchi managed to say mostly coherently, causing a pregnant pause before-

“Yes?”

“Then all the time! Not since high school though,” he said cheerfully, a grin spread over his face that didn’t match his words. Yamaguchi didn’t know if he was supposed to ask the next question, so instead waited until someone else did. Then he zoned out until his name was called again.

“What’s your biggest secret?” a voice that must’ve been Bokuto’s asked. Yamaguchi didn’t give it any thought, something that he was sure to regret when he was sober. Drunk, Yamaguchi was eager to get these things off his chest.

“I’m terrified you guys will realise that you’re my first ever friends. And that you’ll realise I’m not good enough and leave.” The silence after this answer was longer and more loaded than the last, a vague hissing noise coming from Kenma. Yamaguchi couldn’t tell if they were words or not.

“We’re your first friends?” Bokuto asked, voice surprisingly quiet.

“Uh-huh. People didn’t really like me at school. I was annoying and ugly so nobody wanted to be around me. It was hell,” Yamaguchi spoke like he was commenting on the weather, detached from the past he was reminiscing.

“You don’t need to worry about us leaving. You’re family now,” Akaashi said softly, and Yamaguchi snickered.

“Just because your family doesn’t mean you won’t start hating me,” he said through unexplainable laughter, “just ask mine.”

~*~

Yamaguchi woke up the next day with his face pressed against Bokuto’s wooden floor, pain and nausea sweeping through him. After a few moments of making sure he wasn’t going to throw up, he managed to sit up and instead focus on the pain throbbing through his head.

The sun was rising outside, and he was the only one awake in the house. Looking around at the familiar setting, a fresh wave of nausea roiled in his stomach as he remembered everything he had said the night before.

He quietly collected the few things he had brought and managed to splay across the room, putting on his shoes and creeping out of the house, closing the door with a quiet click.

He took a few moments to breathe in the crisp air, the pounding in his head lessening ever so slightly, but not nearly enough for coherent thought.

“You don’t need to sneak away,” Tsukki said from behind him, causing Yamaguchi to jump violently and turn around. Tsukki was also in his rumpled clothes from the night before, short hair pulled in many different directions.

“I have work later. I want to sleep in my bed for a bit before I have to go.” And it was true, but he would’ve left anyway. He could barely look Tsukki in the eye after the embarrassing things he had said the night before. Tsukki tsk-ed, looking a little peeved.

“Don’t think so little of us. So we’re your first friends, big deal. From the way you act it actually makes a lot of sense. And yeah, you have family issues. They’re idiots for rejecting you, anyone could see that. We _like_ you Yamaguchi, so other people’s opinions of you aren’t going to change anything.” _This is what acceptance feels like. This is what having friends feels like_. _This is – this is what having a crush is like._

“I think that’s the most I’ve heard you say at once,” Yamaguchi teased instead of what he really wanted to say. _Thank you for looking past my flaws. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for spilling that fucking drink on me._

Tsukki sighed. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” And-

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

He could live with this.

~*~

Unfortunately, Yamaguchi really did need to go to sleep, and really did need to go to work, so he excused himself from Tsukki and hurried home from Bokuto’s.

He took pain killers and a glass of water before collapsing onto his bed, groaning as he stretched out his cramped muscles. He dozed off not too much longer, barely conscious for about half an hour until he fell into a deeper sleep.

~*~

 _“We can’t accept this,” a familiar voice, the owner of which Yamaguchi couldn’t see, said flatly, and the simple words_ stung. _It was as if his father was rejecting a cup of coffee which wasn’t made to his standard, not his son of eighteen years. Not the boy he was supposed to love unconditionally._

_“Until you come to your senses and find a nice girl to settle down with,” a more emotional voice chimed in, “we can’t call you our son.”_

_His mother was crying, weeping in her husband’s arms as he glared at the boy who was no longer his son. The pain crushed him, turned him into a mess. There was a darkness in his mind creeping over, his breath wouldn’t reach his lungs._

_Still blind, he groped wildly from some way of escape, pushing himself from a blankness to the brightness of the school courtyard. He fell, splayed on the floor with people standing above him, sneering down at him. They didn’t have faces._

_“You made your mum cry, you worthless piece of shit,” the said in unison, the one closest to him aiming a kick to his ribs that he couldn’t feel. He wished he could._

_“How could you expect her to accept someone like you,” a disappointed yet familiar voice chimed in, and Yamaguchi’s gaze snapped up to see his sister, look of disgust not matching her tone._

I’m sorry, _he wanted to cry, but the words stuck in his throat like sludge and suddenly he was choking, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-_

Everything was spinning when Yamaguchi woke up, desperately panting for air that didn’t reach his lungs, _why didn’t it reach his-_

His hands and feet tingled as he struggled to sit up, wondering if this was it for him, thinking there was no way he could survive through this, _he couldn’t breathe, damn it._

Of course it ended, even though the effects lingered, his heart taking twice as long to calm down as the panic attack ended. He had had panic attacks before, but never just as he woke up, never when he was so disoriented. He couldn’t tell if his thumping head was the hangover or the after effects, but he elected to ignore it either way, going to shower and brush his teeth.

He heard his phone chime with the text alert he set for Tsukki while he was showering, and it did _not_ make him rush his shower. At all.

**From: Tsukki** **（** **●** **＞** **ω** **＜** **●** **）**

_Kuroo and I will be at café for lunch. Don’t make me suffer alone._

Yamaguchi grinned as he read over it again, barely thinking before he responded.

**To:** **Tsukki** **（** **●** **＞** **ω** **＜** **●** **）**

_Idk I didn’t hear any kind of grovelling_

**From: Tsukki** **（** **●** **＞** **ω** **＜** **●** **）**

_Fuck you_

**From: Tsukki** **（** **●** **＞** **ω** **＜** **●** **）**

_Please_

**To:** **Tsukki** **（** **●** **＞** **ω** **＜** **●** **）**

_I’ll have an hour break from 12:30. Meet you there._

And Yamaguchi was _giddy._ He liked Tsukki, and although it was probably a little too much, he still couldn’t wait to hang out with him again. The others were great, But Tsukki was kind of like the friend he always imagined having when he was a child – who would step in and stop the people picking on, even if it was for his own benefit.

All throughout work, his thoughts were consumed by seeing Tsukki later. He had just discovered exactly how much he liked the other boy and couldn’t even bring himself to panic about it, nor regret it. It was… it was Tsukki. If it had to be anyone, he thanked god it was Tsukki. He thought that he wouldn’t be so happy about it but… it was his first crush. And Tsukki liked him and accepted him and seemed mean but was actually a dinosaur nerd who was studying zoology and pretended he didn’t have the top 100 on his phone.

Kenma didn’t need to comment to get across how obviously excited he was being at work. He gave Yamaguchi a small smile every time he saw him that showed just how smart he was. Maybe everyone thought it was inevitable that he fell for Tsukki, even though they didn’t really know each other enough. Yamaguchi was just eager to get to know everything about him.

When his lunch break came, he forced himself to walk at his usual pace to the café, arriving at an acceptable time. When he walked in, Tsukki and Kuroo were talking and he went straight to Suga to place his order, getting in a short line.

Tsukki and Kuroo were close enough for him to overhear their conversation. He immediately wished they weren’t.

“It’s so pathetic,” Tsukki was sneering, tapping his fingers against the table.

“C’mon, Tsukki. It’s just a crush,” Kuroo tried to reason and dread filled Yamaguchi. They knew about his crush. Tsukki thought he was pathetic.

“It’s disgusting,” Tsukki growled, “why did you have to bring him into our lives?”

“For you, of course! Why else would I?” And that _hurt_ , but Kuroo wasn’t even done. “I thought you would appreciate it. Find yourself some company on date night. But if you’re not going to, we’ll just have to get rid of him, right?”

“Fine by me.”

Yamaguchi left. He was sure they didn’t see him – unless it was their ploy all along, to let him overhear. But Kuroo wasn’t actually very cunning, and the two of them had been facing away from the counter, totally absorbed in their conversation.

Yamaguchi felt like an idiot. He believed them, when they said they were family, when Akaashi and Tsukki said they wouldn’t abandon them. He wanted to be sick.

His parents were right. Who could love someone like him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably (hopefully) be up on Sunday. If not, definitely Monday. Please leave kudos or comments. I'm always happy to take suggestions of things you want to see put in the story.  
> I keep considering writing a Tsukki-PoV of this story, but the whole time would just be him going 'oh shit he's cute' so who knows.  
> I'm a bit worried that I rushed Tsukki and Yamaguchi's storyline, but Yamaguchi did say that when he found someone he liked he latched on tight and immediately, and that is what happened in canon, so I hope it's acceptable?


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S RIGHT. I DID IT. I ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS FIC BY THE TIME I SAID I WOULD. I HOPE IT ISN'T SHIT.  
> Really though guys, thank you so much to everyone who left comments and kudos and inspired me to finish this. I really hope you enjoy this last chapter.

Yamaguchi went back to work, buying a sandwich on the way and eating as he walked. He didn’t let himself think about it. Not until after work.

Once he got back he still had thirty-five minutes left to kill, and so he mindlessly went to the back storage room, flinching when he ran into Kenma.

“I thought you were having lunch with Kuroo and Tsukishima?” he said, eying him suspiciously.

“It fell through,” Yamaguchi said flatly, not waiting for a response before moving around Kenma. After that conversation, Yamaguchi couldn’t help but wonder if they all knew. If they were pretending to be his friend in a sick attempt to get Tsukishima to date someone. Surely they did. Kuroo wouldn’t keep something from Kenma, and _couldn’t_ keep something from Bokuto, who in turn would tell Akaashi.

So much for family.

The worst thig was that that didn’t really matter. The reason for befriending him could be overlooked, if only his friendship meant anything to them. Kuroo and Tsukishima were so unbothered by the prospect of ditching him. Even after everything Tsukishima said.

The rest of his shift went by in an unhappy blur, only allowing his emotions to resurface when he collapsed on his bed that afternoon. Checking his phone, he had three missed calls from Kuroo – two from when he was meant to meet them and one hours later – one missed call from Tsukishima, two texts from Kenma and one from Bokuto.

He opened Kenma’s messages first.

**From: Kenma**

_Hey I talked to Kuroo and he said they were waiting for you at the café???_

**From: Kenma**

_What’s going on?_

**From: Bokuto**

_R u ok_

It made Yamaguchi sick with rage, and he turned his phone off just in case, placing it on his night stand instead of throwing it across the room like he wanted to.

He had a shower, skipped dinner, and went to bed early. He didn’t cry.

~*~

Yamaguchi woke up to someone pounding on his door.

“Tadashi!” Bokuto was calling, and he furrowed deeper into his blankets, trying to muffle the noise. Bokuto hadn’t done anything, but any trust he had had for Kuroo and his friends had gone. He knew that when Kuroo said the word they would ditch him in a heartbeat. They wouldn’t choose him over Kuroo, and so he wanted to leave first. It was petty but he couldn’t help it.

It was what Kuroo and Tsukishima wanted, anyway.

He also couldn’t trust that Bokuto was alone. SO no matter how loud he knocked and yelled, Yamaguchi wasn’t getting out of his bed.

Eventually he left, yelling at Yamaguchi to call him. It reminded Yamaguchi to turn on his phone, seeing missed calls from everyone, including Akaashi. His message had been spammed and Yamaguchi didn’t want to read them. He went back to sleep.

~*~

Luckily, the next day he neither had work nor class with Akaashi, so it would be easier to avoid them. He wouldn’t be able to forever though, especially since he and Bokuto usually walked together on Monday. His only solution to that was to leave earlier. Much earlier.

He was hanging outside the lecture hall when he phone buzzed with the expected call from Bokuto. Yamaguchi let it go to voice mail, a little surprised when he got a voicemail alert. That was a first from any of them.

He barely hesitated before listening.

“ _Hey, Yamaguchi, I’m outside your apartment at the moment. I… I don’t know if I’ve done something to upset you, or if any of us have, but if so, we’re really sorry, ok? I know we were really intrusive when we were playing Truth, but none of us would ever judge you for what you said then. And I get that you might be mad for a while, but please don’t pull away forever, because-”_

The voicemail cut off as Yamaguchi began to regret ever listening to it. Maybe he was being a little unfair to Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kenma but… he was going to be abandoned anyway. Kuroo had said that himself. Pulling away was a better option, especially since he didn’t want to even look at Tsukishima or Kuroo at the moment. Or ever again.

He could barely focus on his lecture.

~*~

One week passed of ignored phone calls, texts, and visits. Akaashi even kept his distance during class after shooting him curious looks. SO of course it was inevitable that everything would get even worse.

“You’re being selfish and immature,” Kenma told him when they saw each other at work, a flash of rage went through his, and he glared at Kenma in a way he hadn’t ever before. He sure seemed taken aback by it.

“You don’t understand.”

“Nobody cares you didn’t have any friends-”

“This isn’t about that!” Yamaguchi exploded, and it felt good to finally let his emotions escape.

“What’s it about then? You can’t possibly expect us to know-”

“Ask your boyfriend,” Yamaguchi said bitterly, walking past Kenma and wishing he didn’t feel so damn lonely.

~*~

It took two days for Kuroo to talk to him. Arriving home from work, he was surprised and worried to see the door was unlocked, but even more so to see Kuroo in his living room.

“How-” he began to demand, but Kuroo cut him off.

“That doesn’t matter. Why am I meant to know why you’re being so pissy?” he asked simply, as if the question wouldn’t make Yamaguchi’s blood boil.

“Get out,” he said ground out through his teeth, throwing his bad onto his desk but not taking his eye off the intruder.

“Kenma said it wasn’t the questions, which _would_ have been my fault, so what is it? What could I have possibly done?”

Yamaguchi didn’t mean to start crying, but once he started he couldn’t stop. He had lost his first friends because of the man in front of him, demanding to know why he was withdrawing himself. He pushed Kuroo away when he moved forward in alarm, using his surprise to pull him to the exit.

“You know what happened!” Yamaguchi said through tears, wiping his nose on his sleeve and not caring how he looked. “I heard what you and Tsukishima were talking about,” he said darkly as he gave Kuroo one last shove and slammed the door shut, locking it in the process.

He didn’t knock. He didn’t yell. Yamaguchi heard his footsteps moving quietly down the hall. Yamaguchi knew he was right, knew he won – and was all the more miserable for it.

~*~

Yamaguchi wished he had someone to talk about it. He had from the start. And it was that desperate loneliness that made him do what he did.

Yamaguchi would like to think that the past few months had been good for his confidence, if only a little, but when he arrived that the café – which made him feel sick to his stomach now – all of that newfound confidence left him.

Instead of continuing with his plan, he ordered his usual off Suga and sat at his usual table, staring out the window, not even drinking his drink.

“Are you okay, Yamaguchi?” Suga asked softly from the counter, causing Yamaguchi to jump slightly. Looking around, he was the only one in the café. He could do this.

“I need some advice,” he blurted out, and then winced. That wasn’t how he wanted to do that. Suga blinked at him, then smiled warmly, leaving is position behind the counter and taking the seat opposite him.

“I thought something was bothering you. What’s going on?”

And so Yamaguchi told him. He told him the whole story, starting from when he first ran into Tsukishima and ended with the situation he was in, unsurely asking if he was being unreasonable. By the end, Suga’s eyes were narrowed in a cold expression that didn’t suit his face.

“It sounds to me like you’ve dodged a bullet. This Kuroo sounds like he’s very fickle with his attachments, and – and I’m sorry for saying this – Tsukishima doesn’t seem to care about you enough. Not as much as you deserve.” It hurt, but it was true. He had known Tsukishima would never like Yamaguchi as much as Yamaguchi liked him.

“I really liked them,” he whispered, looking at the table, and Suga clasped his hand.

“Don’t settle for people below you just because you think you don’t have options,” he said firmly, making Yamaguchi look back up at him. “Come out with me and my friends. I don’t know what you used to do with those people, but maybe you’ll see what a real friendship will be like.”

_But it was a real friendship. I was happy._ Yamaguchi wanted to say, but Suga made him unsure. He seemed so convinced that friendships were meant to be better than that. Yamaguchi couldn’t even imagine anything that made him feel better than he had for the past few months. Sure, it was laced with an almost constant anxiety, but so was everything he did. And… he felt like having friends made everything else a little less painful. Now it just amplified it.

“Okay,” he agreed, and he really _had_ changed. It had taken ages to Kenma to agree to hang out with everyone together, and he didn’t even know how many people there would be, or where they were going.

“Great,” Suga beamed, letting go of Yamaguchi’s hand. “We’re meeting at the Lodge at eight. Is that ok with you?”

Yamaguchi nodded, expecting Suga to get up and return to the counter, except he stayed seated, chatting away until a customer would walk in.

Yamaguchi learnt all about Suga. About his boyfriend, Daichi, who he had been dating since high school and Yamaguchi would apparently meet tonight. About the dog both of them really wanted to get as soon as they could find an apartment that would allow it. About his interest in volleyball, and how his aunt owned the café but he ran it practically single-handedly, since it wasn’t very popular and they didn’t earn enough money to hire many people.

“People keep quitting as well,” Suga was saying, looking a bit put off. “I guess I understand. They’re told at first it would be decent pay, but much more work than expected. And I’m in my last year of uni, so as soon as I find a job in my area I won’t be able to work as we might need to shut down.”

_I can work here_ , Yamaguchi wanted to say. _I’m a hard worker._ It would be perfect. Suga was great, and he wouldn’t have to have any awkward moments with Kenma.

And it’s true, Suga _was_ great. He was lovely and caring and Yamaguchi itched to photograph him, but… he was no Tsukishima.

After realising how much he liked Tsukishima, it was hard to find the same appeal in someone so nice. 

“Will your aunt be able to get by if it does,” Yamaguchi said when he realised Suga had fallen silent. Suga observed him for a moment before smiling once again.

“Yeah, she’s a real frugal type, so she’s been saving for years. She’s too old to work anyway – she’s actually my great aunt, saying aunt is just simpler – which is why I’m here all the time. She’ll be just fine.” Yamaguchi nodded, sipping on his drink. He couldn’t think of anything to contribute.

“You really miss them, huh?” Suga asked, face softening. He didn’t look judgemental, even when Yamaguchi nodded.

“They were my first friends. Suddenly I went from being constantly lonely to having company. And – and I was still sad, and I was still anxious, but it was a littler duller around them. I had people to talk to, and people who understood. I know – I do know I should be angry, and I am, but I can’t help but miss them. And sometimes I wonder if I miss them or the company I provided but…”

“But sitting here with me isn’t the same,” Suga finished, waving off Yamaguchi’s guilty apology. “Of course you miss them. You care for them. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t see any point in being angry. But these emotions need to be felt so that you can move on, find new friends.”

“Maybe I’m just not meant to have friends,” Yamaguchi said bitterly, playing with the handle of his mug. “I can’t just pretend that the reason I had no friends in school was purely bad luck. I must be unlikeable.”

“You know that that’s not true-”

“Then why is it happening again? Every time I find friends, or people who could be friends, they ditch me as soon as they get to know me. And they didn’t even want to get to know me. Kuroo was just trying to do Tsukishima a favour – one he didn’t even want, mind you, because who the fuck would want me?” Yamaguchi’s eyes welled up as Suga looked at him in shock. It was always the same expression, every time that people realised just how messed up he was. Except Tsukishima, who took it without batting an eyelid.

“Yamaguchi, have you considered seeing a psychologist?” Suga asked softly, and Yamaguchi was taken aback. Nobody had ever asked him that, nor recommended it to him.

“Do you think I’m that bad? Do you think I’m that messed up?” and he was shaking now, eyes wide. He felt like he was. That he had been for a while.

“I think you’ve been living with depression and anxiety for a long time with nobody to help you. Even if you had dependable friends, they’re not always enough. Psychologists aren’t for everyone, but it’s worth looking into,” but Yamaguchi was shaking his head.

“I can’t afford that. Things like that aren’t covered by health insurance,” which Yamaguchi also didn’t have, but anyway.

“It’s 5000 to 10000 yen for an hour, it isn’t that-”

“Maybe for you it isn’t. Maybe for people whose families still love them, who weren’t kicked out for something they couldn’t change about themselves. Who has no support from anyone around them, financial or otherwise.”

“The risk of suicide increases so much when depression is left untreated. It’s worth forking out a bit-” Suga was pleading.

“I’m not going to kill myself,” Yamaguchi said flatly, and for the time being he was sure of that fact. The furthest he had gone was dabbling with a little self-harm, but when he realised that causing himself pain did nothing to neither give him friends nor make his parents love him, he dubbed it useless. “I’m more likely to die from starvation when I can’t afford to eat.”

Suga opened his mouth, but had nothing to say, and Yamaguchi realised he had ruined both the possibility of a friendship between them and his day.

“I’m sorry Suga, but I think I just want to go home,” Yamaguchi mumbled, suddenly exhausted. Surprisingly, Suga wasn’t put off, pressing a piece of paper into his hand.

“Any day, any time you need someone to talk to, you call me, got it? I don’t care if its 3am and you’re upset over spilt milk, if you feel like you need to talk about it I _will_ listen.” _Why?_ Yamaguchi wanted to demand, staring at Suga incredulously. _You don’t know me. Why would you do that?_

Instead he nods, picking up his bag and heading towards his apartment.

~*~

It was two weeks before he spoke to anyone again. He hated being approached by his old friends, but he hated being ignored even more. Kenma wouldn’t speak to him at work, Akaashi didn’t even look at him during class. It was as if he had done something wrong.

He knew what had happened of course. He had practically told Kuroo that he knew he was being kicked out of the group, and so they were making it official. Making it obvious that they were done with him.

And yet, when he got home from a late shift as work, he found Bokuto sat sleeping against his door. He nudged him awake, biting down on his tongue to keep from yelling. He didn’t need this right now.

“Tsukki is a great guy,” Bokuto blurted out when he saw Yamaguchi above him. He seemed to compose himself, standing up so he was looking down on him. Yamaguchi had never seen Bokuto look angry before, especially when he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

“What?” he asked, unlocking the door and leaving it open. Bokuto took the invitation and follow him inside, but didn’t sit when Yamaguchi did.

“Look, I know he can be a bit of an arsehole, and you probably don’t want to be around someone like that, but you should’ve said that from the start. You seemed to actually _like_ him, and now you’ve removed yourself because of what you heard and it isn’t _fair._ ” With every word Yamaguchi became more and more confused.

“What are you _talking_ about? Of _course_ I was going to be angry about what I heard. How could you think Tsukishima was the victim here?” Now Bokuto looked confused, and Yamaguchi had to wonder if they were both missing something huge here. “I knew from the start you would side with Tsukishima and Kuroo, because we haven’t known each other for long and I’m not as important to you guys as you are to each other, but I thought you would at least understand why I wouldn’t want to hang around you guys after that.”

“You could’ve kept being friends with us. It would’ve been awkward, but it would’ve worked,” Bokuto said miserably.

“Like Kuroo would just get rid of me sooner or later,” Yamaguchi said bitterly. Bokuro blinked at him, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

“Why would Kuroo get rid of you?” And that proved they weren’t talking about what he thought they were talking about.

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same thing?”

“About what you heard Tsukki confess to Kuroo, right?”

“I didn’t hear Tsukishima confess _anything_ to Kuroo. I – I heard Kuroo saying that you guys should get rid of me, and Tsukishima agreeing.” What had Tsukishima confessed to Kuroo that was so bad they thought Yamaguchi would remove himself because of it?

“Kuroo wouldn’t say something like that. Not seriously, anyway,” although Bokuto looked worried, chewing on his bottom lip. “But why didn’t you _talk_ to us? Me and Kenma and Akaashi – we’re your friends. We don’t jump because Kuroo says so, and we wouldn’t have abandoned you. Surely you knew that.”

“You’re such a tightknit group, I just thought…” Yamaguchi didn’t know how to respond. Bokuto was right. “Is that why you’ve been mad at me for the last few weeks? Because you thought I was being a dick to Tsukishima?”

“Yeah. But it’s fine now, because everything is cleared up, and we can put this all behind us!” Bokuto said, throwing him a hopeful glance, but Yamaguchi was shaking his head.

“This… it doesn’t change what Kuroo nd Tsukishima said, okay? I think it’ll just be easier for everyone if I keep to myself. I’ve caused enough of a mess already.” It was hard to say, but he had to say it. He couldn’t imagine being around all of them without it being supremely akward, knowing that at least two of them didn’t want him there.

“No, Tadashi, you don’t understand. You really need to talk to Tsukki-”

“I don’t want to. Please, Bokuto, just leave me alone.” _I’m used to it._ Bokuto actually pouted.

“But we miss you. It’s not the same anymore.”

“I’m sure it’s the same as before you met me,” Yamaguchi said, although he selfishly wished it weren’t true.

“It’s not. It feels like somethings missing all the time. Even for the past two weeks when we thought you were an arsehole, hanging out together felt wrong.”

“You’ll get over it. You’ll make new friends. Please don’t do this to me, Bokuto. You may have just lost one friend, but I’ve lost five.”

“No you haven’t! I’m going to talk to Kuroo and Tsukishima, and I’m going to sort this out. You’ll see that this is just a big misunderstanding.”

With that, Bokuto left, an air of determination around him. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if what he was doing was for the best, or if it made any sense at all. He just knew that even if Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kenma wanted him there, Kuroo and Tsukishima didn’t, and he wasn’t worth splitting a group of friends as close as they are.

~*~

From the looks of it, Bokuto did talk to Kuroo and Tsukishima. Yamaguchi could tell from the way they were standing outside of his door, Kuroo yelling at nobody to let him inside. Yamaguchi stood a few meters away from them, keys in one hand and groceries in the other, trying to resist the urge to laugh.

“How long have you been yelling at my empty apartment?” he asked, and Kuroo spun around, Tsukishima following him slowly. Tsukishima refused to meet his eye, looking off over Yamaguchi’s shoulder, a faint blush spread over his cheeks.

“Oh,” Kuroo said, staring at him blankly for a moment before scowling. “Well you’ve been ignoring us so much lately we could only assume it was happening again.”

“I’m not going to apologise for that,” Yamaguchi snapped before he could think about it, moving around Kuroo to unlock his door. Kuroo and Tsukishima followed him inside into his kitchen, both leaning against the counter as he began putting his shopping away.

“Look, I still think you’re an asshole, but Bokuto says you have reason to be mad and to hear you out,” Kuroo says, and Yamaguchi’s shoulders tighten slightly. Yamaguchi hated people yelling at him, and Kuroo’s snappish tone was enough to set him on edge.

“Right. You lot seem to think I’m avoiding you because of something Tsukishima said. But all I heard was you talking about getting rid of me. Excuse me for taking that as a sign to stop hanging around you guys.” Kuroo and Tsukishima both froze at his words. _Caught in the act_ , Yamaguchi thought but couldn’t feel smug about it.

“You didn’t hear what I said,” Tsukishima said faintly, and Yamaguchi shook his head. Tsukishima seemed to sag with relief, and Yamaguchi couldn’t understand what awful think Tsukishima could’ve told Kuroo that he didn’t want Yamaguchi to know.

“I have work later, I don’t have time for this,” Yamaguchi said miserably as neither Kuroo nor Tsukishima even attempted to excuse what Yamaguchi had heard. Kuroo was looking at Tsukishima expectantly, who in turn was looking out of the window, studiously ignoring both of them.

“How much did you hear exactly?” Kuroo asked curiously, and Yamaguchi stiffened. He hadn’t told Bokuto that Kuroo and Tsukishima were talking about Yamaguchi’s crush on Tsukishima.

“Does it matter?” he snapped, and Kuroo smirked. Yamaguchi wished he could punch it off of him.

“Of course it does. Because you overheard us talking about a crush,” and both Yamagcuhi and Tsukishima turned red at that. Yamaguchi’s hand curled into a fist. He didn’t understand why Kuroo was doing this. Why he was trying to humiliate him further.

“I know it’s pathetic, and disgusting, and that I’ve ruined everything,” Yamaguchi said, voice cracking slightly in the middle, and Kuroo’s grin slid off his face, replaced with a concerned frown, “but do you really need to come here and make fun of me for it? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Tadashi, we never wanted you to remove yourself. I just said that because I was trying to piss Tsukki off, but he isn’t going to tell you why while I’m here, so I’m going to be by the car and you can come down when you’ve sorted everything out,” Kuroo said, removing himself from the situation entirely. Tsukishima shot him with a poisonous glare, but Kuroo didn’t turn around to receive it.

“What’s going on?” Yamaguchi said desperately, needing this situation to be over with, no matter the outcome. He couldn’t deal with it for much longer.

“Kuroo wasn’t talking about a crush you had, he was talking about a crush I had,” Tsukishima said reluctantly, still not meeting Yamaguchi’s gaze. Yamaguchi’s stomach clenched painfully. Who did Tsukishima have a crush on?

“You see…’ he said, looking like he wished he was anywhere else. Then he shook his head. “Do we need to talk about this? Kuroo was never going to try and get rid of you. And now everyone’s mad at Kuroo for driving you away. We want to be friends with you, you just walked in on an unfortunate moment. Can we just forget the last few weeks?” Tsukishima looked so pathetic Yamaguchi barely even thought about it.

“Yeah. We can try.”

~*~

It was much more awkward than it was before, but it was so much better than being alone. Yamaguchi felt strange being alone around Tsukki, but they were being pushed together constantly, almost every group outing turning into double dates with Yamaguchi and Tsukki by themselves.

“Why aren’t they together yet?” Yamaguchi heard Bokuto hiss to Akaashi, who shushed him. _Because Tsukki has a crush on someone else_ , Yamaguchi wanted to say, but couldn’t.

All in all, Yamaguchi felt like something big was building up and he had no idea what it was, just that it was making things tense. Finally, after a month of group outings and awkward eye contact between Yamaguchi and Tsukki, Yamaguchi realised what was going on.

“You’re so stupid,” he heard Akaashi say through the door. He was standing outside Bokuto’s place, hand poised to knock, but he couldn’t help but listen to what came next.

“How am I stupid?” Tsukki asked, and Yamaguchi was glad he hadn’t interrupted. It was a rare occasion that Akaashi would call out anyone who wasn’t Bokuto or Kuroo.

“Did you not hear yourself? You think he likes _Kuroo_?” Akaashi demanded. “He likes you, you idiot. IS this why you haven’t asked him out? You – I can’t even deal with you right know.”

“What was I supposed to think? I told him I liked him and he didn’t seem pleased at all.”

“Did you make it excruciatingly clear that it was _him_ you liked? Apparently the two of you need to spell everything out to the other.”

“Well… no. I thought it was implied.”

“You have to tell him. I can’t stand any more of you two dancing around one another.”

“No way. You need to make a big romantic gesture. If you tell him, you’ll feel too awkwrd to ask him out, he will be confused about why you aren’t asking him out and think you don’t actually like him, and the shit circle will start again,” Bokuto’s voice chimed in.

“I don’t think Tsukishima is one for big romantic gestures. Anyway, he should be here soon, so shut up and talk about this later.”

Yamaguchi waited five minutes before he walked in, both so nobody would accuse him of eavesdropping, and because he needed that long to stop smiling. The two of them really were depressingly dense.

~*~

Yamaguchi knew he wasn’t going to make the first move, and knew that Tsukki knew he wasn’t going to make the first move, so he decided to wait.

And so, four days later, he found his phone ringing with an unknown number while he was once again at Bokuto’s house.

“Do I answer it?” he asked nervously. Usually he would always let an unknown number ring out and see if they left a voicemail, but Akaashi told him to and Kenma agreed, so he answered it, finding out it was someone that he never thought he would hear from again.

“Hello?”

“Tada-chan?” The unmistakeable voice of his sister rang out, and his throat closed up, hand holding his phone trembling slightly.

“Onee-san?” he whispered into the phone, unable to believe what he was hearing. None of his family had contacted him since he had been disowned – he hadn’t thought they had wanted to. And now, his sister Miyuki was calling him out of nowhere.

“Ok, this is emotional for both of us, but I’m going to yell at you for a bit,” Miyuki warned, and he could only make a noise of affirmation. “So I’ve got some free time, nothing desperately needing doing at work, and come home for the weekend, excited to see my lovely family who I’ve missed dearly. Except then I’m told that mum and dad didn’t take you coming out very well, and instead of trying to sort it out, instead of telling me or Mikio, you take off to Tokyo, change your number, and leave no way for us to contact you. Do you know how worried me and Mikio have been?”

“I – I didn’t think you would care,” Ymaguchi admitted, and it wasn’t a lie. He had alwys gotten on well with his siblings, but never as well as they hd gotten on with each other, and it was just another place where he constantly felt left out.

“ _Of course we care!”_ Miyuki yelled. “You can’t possibly think that we have these old-fashioned ideals that mum and dad have, do you?” Yamaguchi had thought so. He had thought that was why they hadn’t tried to contact him, except of course they had no way to do it. “We love you no matter who you bang.”

“Miyuki!” he exclaimed, chuckling wetly.

“Anyway, we’re coming down this weekend to see you, so make sure you’re not busy. I need to make sure you’re okay. My lunch break is almost over, so I’ll call you tonight, and I’ll send your number to Mikio. Speaking of, tell your boyfriend thanks from me again for contacting me.”

“What?” Yamaguchi asked, not wondering until now how Miyuki had contacted him.

“You don’t know? Tsukishima-san hunted m down and gave me your number, telling me that I ‘had better call, it’s the least I could do.’” Miyuki chuckled, not knowing how her words had affected him. His eyes sought out Tsukki’s, who was already looking at him. The others had broken off into quiet conversations as to not disturb his phone call, and he tried to mentally apologise to Tsukki in advance for the scene he was about to make.

“Okay, I don’t have work today so you can call any time,” he said, not looking away from Tsukki.

“I will. And you can expect another lecture from Mikio. Any longer and you might’ve missed the birth of his kid.”

“Naoki is pregnant?” He was going to be an uncle. He could’ve missed out on his niece or nephew being born.

“Yeah, he’ll definitely tell you all about that later. I really have to go now, but I promise to call later.”

“Okay, I’ll speak to you later then.”

“Of course,” Miyuki says, and then hangs up. Yamaguchi allows himself a few moments to compose himself, before once again losing all composure as he throws himself at Tsukki, hugging him desperately.

“I – I can’t believe you did that for me,” he whispers, still managing to hold back his tears. It was enough that he had been given friends, but now Tsukki had given him back his family?

Before he could help himself, they were kissing. It was clumsy, and their position was uncomfortable, and it was perfect.

“About fucking time,” Kuroo muttered, only to be shushed by everyone else. Yamaguchi had never been so happy.

~*~

It was about a month of dating before Yamaguchi was told the ‘full story’.

“What do you mean?” he asked as Bokuto say him down and announced this, making use of the time that Tsukki wasn’t there.

“Hush, he could be here soon and he’ll stop us.”

“Thinks it’s embarrassing,” Kuroo agrees solemnly.

“So you think that the story started with the whole coffee spilling and Kuroo being an idiot,” Bokuto said, getting shoved by Kuroo. “But that’s not true at all. The story actually starts first day of university. Tsukki sees you across a crowded room-”

“I don’t think that’s actually true,” Akaashi muttered.

“And instantly falls in love,” Kuroo adds.

“No he _didn’t_ ,” Kenma insisted. “Either tell it properly or don’t bother.”

“But seriously, Tsukki had a crush on you for ages. Apparently he had the same activities as you during student orientation and thought you were really cute. And then he spilt that drink on you, and then told us because he was miserable about it. And that was the first we ever heard of you. Then Kuroo said you sounded like someone Kenma worked with, and made Kenma take a photo of you so we could see, and it _was_ you, so Kuroo made Tsukki go with him and started trying to set you up,” Bokuto explained, and Yamaguchi felt giddy.

“You can’t tell him we told you, because he’ll kill us,” Kuroo said seriously, but Yamaguchi was already planning all the ways he could use this against Tsukki.

“Of course not,” he lied, but none of them looked convinced.

“I’m here,” Tsukki called from the hallway, walking into the living room. “What are you doing?” he frowned, presumably finding Yamaguchi sat in an armchair dragged into the middle of the room, surrounded by their friends, to be a little strange.

“Nothing. These guys were just telling me a story,” Yamaguchi said nonchalantly, grinning widely at Tsukki.

“Oh. Well, are you done? I have the movies,” Tsukki said, holding up some movies Yamaguchi had told him he wanted to see – definitely not the ones the group had agreed he get. Yamaguchi’s smile softened slightly.

“Not yet.”

**Epilogue – One year later**

“Have we picked up Miyuki’s wedding present yet?” Tsukki asked, frowning at the wedding invitation stuck to their fridge.

“Not yet,” Yamaguchi said, rushing to get ready for work. He and Tsukki had gotten distracted, and Suga was expecting him. “Don’t worry, we still have time. What we need to worry about is Fumio’s present – I have no idea what to get him. What are you meant to get a one-year-old anyway?”

“We could go shopping when you’re done with work?” Tsukki suggested, but Yamaguchi shook his head.

“I’ve got a session with Koizumi-san after work. Besides, you know Bokuto wants us all there this afternoon,” he added, and Tsukki rolls his eyes.

“He’s rushing into this,” he mutters, taking over preparing Yamaguchi’s lunch so he could put on his shoes. Rushing for work had almost become an art after Yamaguchi found out how much Tsukki appreciated morning sex.

“Apparently Bokuto wanted to get married right out of high school, but Akaashi told him to wait a bit. I think he’ll say yes,” Yamaguchi mused, wondering if there would even be any damage to his friends relationship if Akaashi said no.

“Of course he’ll say yes. But it’s not like they can get married here anyway.”

“Maybe not legally. But clearly Bokuto doesn’t care about the legal side of it,” Yamaguchi pointed out, straightening up and taking the bento Tsukki handed him.

“Yeah, well, I just think they should wait until they’ve at least graduated,” Tsukki huffed, but Yamaguchi could tell he was happy for his friends.

“Good to know,” Yamaguchi kissed him on the cheek, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Now I’ll know when to ask you.”

With that, Yamaguchi got one look at Tsukki’s flushed face before he left for the café.

It wasn’t perfect. But he talked regularly with his siblings. He had started therapy and made real progress. Tsukki was still around, and they had really worked on their communication skills. They were a functional couple, and living together made it even better. Not only were his friends still around, but he actually managed to make a few new ones.

Life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go! I wasn't sure if i should do another chapter for an epilogue, but i didn't really have much to say so I decided against it. If you got a bit lost about who was confused about what and who thought who had a crush on who, don't worry, so was I and so were the characters.  
> This is my first multi-chaptered fic that I actually finished, and I'm so proud of myself for doing it.  
> If you were excited for Yamaguchi to meet Suga's friends and disappointed when he didn't, I'm sorry, i was going to write it, and then i realised i didn't want to, it would be off topic, and I couldn't find a way for it to contribute to the story line.   
> If you couldn't tell, I barely had a plan for this fic when i started writing it. Every time i started to write a new chapter, I had no idea what was going to happen. I'm surprised I was able to bullshit nearly 20k words of it tbh. Please leave comments and kudos if you liked it, I really appreciate hearing feedback!


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